On the tenth day of Christmas, my True Love gave to me... ten Lords-A-Leaping!
"Leaping Lords" reminds me of how animated we can sometimes get in our emotions. When we're really happy and excited we can sometimes leap about with joy and excitement - more of that for us in 2018 please!
But some of us leap about as well when we're frustrated or angry. A kind of Rumpelstiltskin jumping up and down! Depending on the personalities of the people nearest and dearest to you, this can either be entertaining... or intimidating.
So, what can we do to manage that in relationships? How can we exercise better self-control?
Our relationship advice for day 10 is to have ground rules around how you will express anger or frustration when the inevitable conflict or arguments arise. Things you will or will not say, lines you will never cross no matter how angry you become. Putting each other and the relationship first, ahead of any point of contention.
Early on in our marriage Jon and I agreed that we would not use the "D" word - divorce - as a threat in any argument and that we wouldn't walk out of the house in the middle of a conflict. This caused more emotional damage and shrapnel than anything we were fighting over was worth. After all, at the end of the day, this was the same person I wanted to cuddle up with... so we learnt to fight fair and focus the fight on the issue rather than on each other.
Of course, this took a lot of learning and practise because it doesn't come natural to any of us. But we took the time to find out how to be more honouring in a conflict situation so that now we can have great conversations even if the topic is difficult and it gets heated from time to time.
The key is that we emerge from any argument with more understanding of each other and stronger as a couple for it.
We are all unique individuals with inevitable differences in opinions from time to time, so conflict and arguments will happen. But don't waste the experience, use it to strengthen your relationship. Otherwise you will just end up exhausted, arguing over the same issues (or not going THERE anymore) and not moving forward as a stronger couple.
If you fancy picking up a few tips on how to grow stronger together through conflict, take our online course on Managing Conflict Effectively. The course is delivered in short, bite-sized videos of 3-5mins and altogether takes about an hour - well worth the time investment for a happier 2018! And if you're super quick off the mark, grab one of the FREE PASSES here. Otherwise, you may still want to benefit from our January Sale (Get Up to 50% OFF here)... :-)
Now there's a reason for singing! On three - one, two, three...
On the tenth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Skills to manage conflict
Gentle words in speaking
Their full commitment
Wisdom from 3 monkeys
Help when I'm stressed out
NO MORE UNMET EXPEC-TATIONS!
A ta-ank full of love
Joy a-and Laughter,
Lang-uage of Love,
and a goal fo-or our rel-ation-ship!
Oh my goodness, it's day 11 next!!